


She was in so much blue, it turned black

by syeobean



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Comfort???, Dealing With Loss, F/F, I REPEAT NOT ANGST, U SAY SOULMATES? U SAY HYERIM!, WE ALL WANT A CHOI YERIM IN OUR LIFE, a slice of cake, a slice of life maybe, as u can see i suck in summary, fall season is so romantic, hyerim soulmates period no erase, indie singer olivia, just being there basically, just wanted to scream bcs indie singer olivia, not angst i swear, not angst promise, oliviAAAAA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24941827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syeobean/pseuds/syeobean
Summary: Yerim who enjoys watching Hyejoo, an indie singer, busking on the streets under the cold weather of autumn.
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Kudos: 45





	She was in so much blue, it turned black

**Author's Note:**

> maybe you'd want to check and listen to taeyeon's time lapse while reading

Calloused fingers stroking the rusty strings begging to be changed soon, strumming the same melancholic melody she has heard hundreds of time if exaggerated, yet still her point stands. The old guitar with its tiny yet visible absurd doodles, a wolf and letters she couldn't read due to the fact that she never really dared to cross the two meter distance where she always stood, and maybe she has to blame her poor eyesight too.

There's a big contrast from her guitar to the overall personality she exudes, by the consistent black shirts and warm hoodies that engulf and protect her body from this cold weather. It's only right to assume the girl probably only owned black colored ones on her wardrobe.

Yerim could only stare at the girl busking in front of her, putting her hands inside her pocket to keep it warm, her nose betraying her as it started being runny, she scolded herself mentally for not dressing properly.

She lost count of how many times she has watched the girl playing the same song over and over again, and strangely it doesn't make it less entertaining each time. There's something about the girl she can't exactly pinpoint, the soulless dark coffee brown eyes that never failed to send shivers on her body all throughout her tiniest nerves. Her hunched shoulders that looked so heavy, as if she's carrying all the burdens there is in the world. Yerim is convinced the girl is in so much blue, that it turned black.

Finally hearing the end of the song, she quickly reached out to her pocket to get the remaining allowance she saved for the day, she took gentle steps on the slippery pavement, careful not to lose her balance and knocked herself out as she headed towards the expectant pair of eyes. Yerim stood there face to face with the girl looking at her amusely as she wore her biggest and the friendliest smile she could make. Their small interactions always ended like this, no one ever bothered to go beyond it. But yerim is more than contented and grateful to have witnessed the progress each autumn.

A sudden tug made yerim stop on her track, her smile turned into confusion, she looked behind her and saw the girl holding the hem of her thick jacket, stopping her from getting any farther. Confusion quickly turned into smile, she hummed as a sign for the girl to speak her mind. It took about a minute of just yerim smiling and looking at the black-haired girl expectantly, opening her mouth just for it to close again, until she got the strength or the words she was trying to find awhile ago, to finally mutter a single sentence.

“I..I've always wondered why.” the girl vaguely stated, strangely yerim understood what she meant. She asked the same question to herself, ended up giggling to the answer she concluded in her mind.

“I'm your number one fan! I love listening to your voice and hope for you to get the recognition you deserve!” yerim answered genuinely, still wearing her smile from ear to ear, the other girl can't help her lips from tugging upwards, it was weird and new but yerim’s smile was too contagious to resist.

“Is that so? thanks i guess..” the girl let go of her, showing a small but genuine smile, letting yerim know she's done and that’s all she ever wanted to ask. Turned her back with the guitar swaying on her shoulder, “WAIT!” Yerim shouted rather loudly which gathered a few attention from the busy street, they stood on the sidewalk awkwardly hoping for the couple of eyes to go away and mind their own business.

“It's cold.. how does a coffee sound to you?” yerim asked not bothering to hide the hopefulness on her voice, she believes there's no such thing as the perfect timing, and so she decided to grab this chance to get to know the girl she has only been watching from afar, never really knowing anything from the girl aside from she likes black and her favorite song is the one she always play with her guitar.

Hesitant, the other girl thought of the invitation for a moment, “I don't like coffee.” she replied nonchalantly, this dampened yerim’s mood so much but still she managed to give the other girl a smile, before she could even reply and bid her farewell, she was interrupted by the black-haired girl, “but milk.. milk sounds great to me.” just by that, her mood skyrocketed, her emotions today is definitely riding a very intense roller-coaster.

“I never got your name” yerim started, she put her coffee down and looked up to the girl sitting opposite to her, their table not-so-ideal spot next to the counter. But it doesn't really matter, all yerim could think of is the figure in front of her sipping the newly served hot milk.

The girl spared a glance at her way and thought for a moment, “Hyejoo.” quick and short, high-pitched groggy voice as if it was her first time to ever utter a word. Her eyes now fixed back to the restless city, with the fast paced people who seemed to be running out of time, never stopping to appreciate the beauty of now.

“I'm yerim! I like autumn! Nice to finally know your name!” she said with so much enthusiasm, offering a hand to be shaked. Hyejoo eyed the gesture for a second before accepting it, which in return made yerim wear her biggest grin.

They fell into silence once again but It wasn't awkward, it was more of a comfortable atmosphere with them just consuming their own drinks that turned cold after a while. “I need to go.” hyejoo announced, she stood up immediately to which startled yerim who was occupied by her own thoughts about the girl who is now standing and is about to leave.

“Oh.. Uhm goodbye? Wait, can i get your number?”

-

Autumn passed, different seasons came, and now her most awaited season is about to start again- autumn. People love it for a reason that the falling leaves were beautiful, but it was also a disaster for the ones who had to clean after it, and sometimes we fail to see that, unless we put ourselves on their shoes or if we meet someone and make us understand why they hated fall so much.

She stood up from her chair, eyed the well-written page with different stickers on it, sighed in content, she closed the purple cutely designed journal, with her butt going numb by sitting for too long. She headed towards her inviting bed, and slump her whole weight on it. Her back feeling the soft mattress, and the warm thick blanket engulfing her body. She spent her weekend with her parents, it was one of the happiest days they've ever shared, she couldn't ask for more. Her eyelids becoming heavy, she's now slowly being pulled to the dreamland.

She stirred awake when the noise from her phone pulled her back to reality, a little grumpy with her eyes closed, she reached for her phone. It took her minutes before she got a hold of it. She groaned in pain and closed her right eye as she was greeted by the harsh light coming from the phone's screen.

The ringing stopped and a ping of notification came after, she jolted up as she checked the name over and over again until she's sure enough that she's not hallucinating.

_1 missed call, Hyejoo 🐺_   
_1 text message, Hyejoo 🐺_

Confused and a little upset, “I thought she have forgotten about me.” she mumbled under her breath. Confused and a little upset as to why the other girl had suddenly decided to just show up as if she never ignored yerim’s texts, worrying over her complete silence and cold shoulder. But she can never feel that way forever, can she? “But why this late? Can't it wait for tomorrow morning?” she asked to no one in particular. Realizing she's been thinking for too long, her right thumb clicking the message open.

_Hyejoo 🐺_

_I want to die. Lol._

Alarmed, with her hands shaking in anxiety, worry, and fear, the first thing yerim did was to call the girl. It was out of reflex, her mind went blank, she can't think of anything other than to get to hyejoo this instant. She's feeling a lot of emotions in a span of milliseconds and it was too much for her.

Yerim with her pjs on and a jacket on top of it, she went outside the cold neighbourhood, shivering as the cool wind hit her face, phone still on her left ear, waiting anxiously for hyejoo to pick up her call.

_“Heyy yerim!”_

_“You're drunk. Where are you?”_

Yerim heard a laugh from the other line, she was sure hyejoo was drunk just by the way she clumsily called her name. This was the first time she heard her like this, or even the first time she knew the other girl actually drinks liquor. After their first formal introduction and her asking for hyejoo’s number, their text conversations was normal and they sometimes go on to the same shop to drink their usual coffee and milk after hyejoo’s busking. But the other girl just stopped responding to her texts days ago, leaving yerim confused and hurt. They were only friends but still hyejoo could've atleast tell her the reason behind her actions, if she was busy of something then yerim will definitely understand.

_“Am i?”_ the other line laughed again, _“Apartment.”_

_“I don't know where your apartment is, turn on your location and send it to me.”_

_“Why? You're going here?”_ hyejoo scoffed, finding the idea absurd.

_“Yes. Now send it to me.”_ she replied, hugging her shaking body tightly. It's getting too cold outside, she noted to wear three layers of jacket next time.

There was a long pause, yerim could hear a faint hitch of breathing.

_“okay.”_ voice is now tiny and small.

After the call ended, yerim immediately sent a text to her parents, reassuring them she will return whole and safe.

-

Hands falling to her sides, hearing the familiar strumming coming from the apartment where she's standing at.

_ Birthdays _   
_ Are always the same _   
_ Many of them have passed _   
_ I feel like I’m becoming an adult _   
_ But still, when I think of your name _   
_ Tears well up and when I close my eyes _   
_ I see you and even though everything changed _   
_ You’re always at the same place, looking the same _   
_ Making me cry _

It was the same song yet it felt so different.. There's heaviness in each word, there was this present longing and pain yerim swears she could almost feel crawling into her skin. Hyejoo’s voice sounded so sad, lonely, and broken. She closed her eyes, unconsciously clutching her chest. She doesn't know why but her heart is aching, she blames it to the nature of human to empathize.

_The seasons are still the same_   
_Though many have passed_   
_Now it’s time that_   
_I got used to being without you_

It was starting to sound strained, the melody starting to sound disorientated.

_But when I try to forget_   
_Tears well up (tears well up)_   
_On top of those tears_   
_You flow down and time stops_   
_My feelings that I tried to hide_   
_Quietly raises its head_   
_Calling out to you with a longing voice_

Hyejoo’s voice cracked, the strumming stopped, every corners fell into a painful silence. Just as when yerim turned the doorknob open, she jumped in surprise when a loud thud greeted her.

She opened her eyes, left hand still holding unto the knob tightly and her right hand on her chest. The room was a mess, there was broken things scattered everywhere, bottles of liquor lying on the bedside, a wolf plushie soaked on the wet floor. It was a disaster on sight. Until her eyes landed at the figure, her back on the cold surface, alive and breathing but.. soulless.

“You're here..” hyejoo said, her eyes not leaving the dull old ceiling, she was staring at the nothingness. “You're here.” she repeated with a scoffed, which then turned into a tiny sob. Yerim walked slowly towards her, holding back her own tears, not wanting to trigger something within her friend.

She lay beside her, hand hesitantly holding hyejoo’s. Yerim’s thumb caressing the cold hand in hopes of giving warmth and comfort, humming the same song, that became her favorite song as time went by. Hyejoo’s breathing hitched, body starting to tense.

Yerim heard a sob, “I miss her.” with her whole strength, hyejoo finally said the words she had never admitted and told anyone before. Yerim nodded, afraid of making the other girl uncomfortable she opted not to look at her directly, both of their eyes boring holes on the ceiling. She knows the best she can offer is a pair of ears ready to understand the complexity of pain the girl beside her is feeling, she squeeze hyejoo’s hands to let her know she's listening.

“I was only 16, for fucks sake! It's so unfair..” voice raging with multiple emotions, pain, anger, and even more yerim couldn't identify anymore.

“This was the exact days when she was slowly dying.”

“Before we could even greet her favorite season together, she left me. She left me.. alone, in autumn. And i swear to fucking heavens it never been so empty and lonely the first time i spent it alone.” hyejoo cried.

“Mom..” she cried in so much pain. She started breathing heavily, like a bomb about to burst.

Hyejoo lost her mother 2 yrs ago. There it hit yerim. She have never imagined for a beautiful season to be spent by someone, this painfully. Where fall is her favorite and she spent it happily, there was hyejoo having to deal with the loss.

She found herself engulfing the girl in her arms, as hyejoo continued to cry. Until their breathing became stable and their chest harmonizing with each other, tired after all the emotional breakdown, they slept side by side, hyejoo’s head on the crook of yerim’s neck, and arms holding each other with great care.

-

Hasty footsteps and heavy breathing, yerim had never ran as fast as when she was forced to join the track and field back in middle school. She planned this long time ago but the universe wasn't in her favor today, she had to deal with the university stuff and it took her hours, so now she's running late on this same busy street. Bumping unto everyone blocking her way.

She hold onto her knees to catch her breath, praying that when she looks up, she would spot the girl she haven't seen for months. To her dismay, there was nothing but the strange space which was where hyejoo always occupy and play her guitar.

Turning around, to go back home with success nowhere to be found and an empty hand, there, she sees the familiar jet-black hair with her black outfit, and a guitar on her back, walking too casually on the opposite way. Before the other girl could even notice her presence and maybe avoid her, yerim ran towards her and held the hem of her hoodie tightly, not planning to let go until she get the answer she's been dying to get.

With hyejoo’s agitated face, “Why do you always avoid me? After that night, you just vanished like a fever dream. Do you even consider what I might have felt? You even moved to another apartment just so you could completely get rid of my existence. Why do you always run away when I'm just here, constant.” yerim not even stopping, snapped on a very surprised and speechless girl. Silence seeping in, hyejoo still finding the right words to say.

“I don't want to lose you.” the fear behind the words coated in a nonchalant tone.

“You are not making any sense right now, Son Hyejoo.” Yerim, who is now more calm down, replied in a very serious way she could make.

“Seeing you from afar just watching me, was enough. I could have been to many places instead of staying in the same place but i,” hyejoo paused, contemplating if she should say the next words.

“.. I wanted to see you more. Trust me you mean a lot to me, more than i should have. And having you that night, so close to me, was so scary. Because everyone were not meant to stay forever. And i hate it, it's so fucking scary.” hyejoo winced.

“I- I'm afraid of loss. I loathe it. I hate it with every inch of me. By not having anyone beside me, i will never have to deal with it ever again.”

Yerim’s expression softens, the sincerity and fear visible on hyejoo’s face. She analyzed the whole situation and how she can make an end of it, hoping it will end well. “But you do know right, that distance is a loss in itself.” hopeful, she prayed to the heavens for hyejoo to get her point, or she have no choice but to let go of her hoodie just as she have to let go of hyejoo, forever.

“It's.. It's cold, still the same order? let's talk this over there.”

She nodded and answered enthusiastically, “Okay!” yerim grinned, her insides were definitely celebrating and it was too chaotic to even explain. Still holding unto the hem of hyejoo’s jacket, she followed her behind. She knows, all of this will end well.

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> i love hyerim so much, I'm sorry if i didn't do them justice. Still new to writing and my vocabulary is so limited. Plus my brain is always fried, still thank u for reading! I'd appreciate it a lot if u give response <3


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